The child who erases and redoes everything: whimsy, insecurity or perfectionism?

The activity seems simple: copy two sentences, solve some operations or produce a short text. The child starts, observes what he did, deletes it and tries again. In a few minutes, the paper is already marked, the eraser falls apart on the table and the task that was supposed to move forward remains almost in the same place. When someone says it's good, she doesn't believe it. When told to continue, she may get angry, cry or tear up the sheet.

At first glance, this behavior usually receives two opposing interpretations. For some, the child is very capricious. For others, it's making a mistake or trying to put off the task. Both conclusions may be hasty. Erasing and redoing is just the visible behavior; understanding its function requires observing what happens before, during and after it. As we saw in the article about what the child's behavior is trying to communicate when it's not just pranks, looking at the function of attitude helps overcome hasty conclusions.

Reviewing is part of learning

All learning involves trying, comparing and adjusting. When realizing that a letter is barely legible, that a calculation has been put together incorrectly or that a sentence does not express the idea well, the child can correct their production. This review is useful when it improves the work without interrupting the process. It allows you to recognize the error, choose a strategy and move forward.

The problem is not the desire to do it well. It appears when the criterion becomes rigid and unattainable, doubt remains even after correction and the child's value seems to depend on the result. In this situation, the error stops being information about the task and starts to be experienced as a threat: “If it’s not perfect, they’ll think I’m not capable”.

"Perfectionism is a multidimensional phenomenon: high goals accompanied by flexibility stimulate learning, but when associated with fear of failure and rigid self-criticism, they fuel school anxiety."

Perfectionism is a multidimensional phenomenon, not a diagnosis in and of itself. The literature generally differentiates between the establishment of high personal standards and perfectionist concerns, marked by an intense fear of failure, self-criticism and fear of other people's evaluation. In children, this difference is decisive: high goals can stimulate commitment when accompanied by flexibility; when combined with external pressure and negative evaluation, they tend to be associated with greater school anxiety.

When the revision stops being functional

No single sign confirms perfectionism. What deserves attention is the repetition of the pattern, its intensity and the damage caused. Family and school can observe whether the child:

• spends a disproportionate amount of time on small details and is unable to complete the activity;
• erases repeatedly even when the answer is correct or the writing is legible;
• asks for confirmation all the time, but is not reassured by the answer;
• avoid starting tasks in which you imagine you might make mistakes;
• reacts to small failures with crying, irritation, shame or abandonment;
• rigidly compares their production with that of colleagues or siblings;
• refuses to show drafts and only accepts a version considered perfect;
• performs much better in situations without evaluation than when faced with demands, limited time or exposure.

You also need to ask what the task requires. A child may erase excessively because he has not yet automated the tracing of letters, feels graphomotor discomfort, does not understand the command, has difficulty organizing ideas or realizes that his production does not correspond to what he intended to write. It is important to differentiate perfectionist avoidance from planning and initiation difficulties; in our study on when the child knows what to do but can't start, we detail how difficulty with executive organization differs from avoidance due to fear of failure. Calling all this perfectionism would just be swapping one label for another.

Why can making mistakes become so threatening?

Some children are more sensitive to evaluation and demonstrate strong self-control. Others accumulate experiences of public correction, comparison, frustrating results or learning difficulties that shake their confidence. There are also contexts in which praise focuses almost exclusively on the grade, speed or impeccable appearance of the task. The child can learn, little by little, that being accepted means living up to a standard.

Studies with children indicate that perceived pressure and negative evaluation are related to irritability, feelings of worthlessness, and other signs of distress. Research also shows an association between perceived parental expectations and criticism and forms of perfectionism, especially when young people believe that others demand perfection. This does not authorize blaming the family: parents and guardians also live under intense pressure to perform at school. The data invites you to review the quality of the messages transmitted.

In young people with specific learning difficulties, the equation can be even more delicate. Repeated experiences of effort with less than expected results can increase shame and fear of evaluation. A study published in 2025 found greater socially prescribed perfectionism among participants with specific learning difficulties and an association of this dimension with anxiety. The practical conclusion is not to lower all expectations, but to build possible requirements, adequate support and transparent criteria.

How family and school can help

The most helpful response is neither to forbid the child from erasing nor to allow him to redo it indefinitely. The goal is to teach you to revise with purpose, tolerate possible imperfection and realize that performance does not define identity.

1. Define what really matters: Before the activity, present two or three objective criteria. In a textual production, for example: communicating the main idea, organizing the beginning, middle and end and reviewing the punctuation. Handwriting doesn't have to take center stage in every task.
2. Separate draft and final version: Explain that the draft is a space for thinking and may contain arrows, cuts, and incomplete words. When every attempt needs to be born ready, the child starts to monitor the form before even developing the idea.
3. Set a review limit: Combine one reading to check the content and another to correct a specific aspect. After that, the activity ends. The limit reduces the cycle of doubt without devaluing care.
4. Swap generic compliments for descriptive feedback: Instead of just saying “perfect” or “you’re very smart”, show what worked: “You noticed that the account wasn’t closing, you went back to the previous step and found the point of error”.
5. Model a healthy relationship with error: Adults can verbalize small corrections naturally: “I wrote the wrong word; I’ll correct it and continue.” The child needs to see that competence includes revising, not avoiding any failure.
6. Accept good enough productions: Propose low-risk situations in which the child delivers adequate, although not flawless, work. Then talk about what happened: did the predicted error cause the feared consequence? Did the result fulfill its purpose?
7. Offer support for the real difficulty: If excessive corrections arise from problems with writing, reading, calculation, planning or understanding, simply working on error tolerance will be insufficient. The underlying academic skill also needs to be taught.

Phrases that change the mood of the task

Everyday language can amplify the threat or restore security. Some simple substitutions help:

• Instead of “Did you delete it again?”, use “What are you trying to improve this time?”;
• Instead of “It has to be perfect”, use “It needs to meet the criteria we agreed on”;
• Instead of “Look how your colleague did it”, use “Let’s compare this version with your previous attempt”;
• Instead of “It was nothing”, use “I realize that making mistakes bothered you; let’s figure out the next step.”;
• Instead of proofreading the entire sheet, choose one proofreading objective at a time.

The psychopedagogical perspective

In the psychopedagogical assessment, it is less important to count how many times the eraser was used and more to understand how the child works in relation to the task. It is possible to compare spontaneous and evaluative productions, observe execution time, reaction to error, search for confirmation, understanding of commands and mastery of the academic skills involved.

This perspective also considers executive functions, language, graphomotor aspects, school history and the forms of mediation offered. If the child improves when given clear criteria, smaller steps, or an initial example, that response provides valuable information. As we reinforce in the article Diagnosis is not a guess, interdisciplinary articulation helps to understand the picture without transforming isolated observations into hasty labels. When the fear of failure goes beyond school tasks, causes persistent suffering or appears alongside other emotional signs, specialized assessment brings clarity to intervention.

Between care and fear

A child who erases and redoes everything may be trying to produce better, protect themselves from criticism, hide a difficulty or regain a sense of control. Therefore, the most productive question is not “Why doesn’t she stop erasing?”, but “What does she believe will happen if she leaves the task as is?”.

When adults teach criteria, offer mediation and treat error as part of thinking, children do not have to choose between carelessness and perfection. She can learn something more mature: do things carefully, review what is necessary, accept limits and move on. The task stops being a judgment about who she is and returns to being what it should be - an opportunity to learn.

References

CURRAN, Thomas; HILL, Andrew P. Young people's perceptions of their parents' expectations and criticism are increasing over time: implications for perfectionism. Psychological Bulletin, vol. 148, no. 1-2, p. 107-128, 2022. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000347

INGLÉS, Cándido J. et al. Profiles of perfectionism and school anxiety: a review of the 2 x 2 model of dispositional perfectionism in child population. Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 7, art. 1403, 2016. DOI: https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01403

LIEVORE, Rachele; CARDILLO, Ramona; MAMMARELLA, Irene Cristina. Anxiety in youth with and without specific learning disorders: exploring the relationships with inhibitory control, perfectionism, and self-conscious emotions. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, vol. 19, art. 1536192, 2025. DOI: https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeh.2025.1536192

LOZANO, Luis Manuel et al. Relationship between child perfectionism and psychological disorders. Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 10, art. 1855, 2019. DOI: https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01855

LUNN, Jessica et al. Associations between perfectionism and symptoms of anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression in young people: a meta-analysis. Cognitive Behavior Therapy, vol. 52, no. 5, p. 460-487, 2023. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/16506073.2023.2211736

CENTER FOR CLINICAL INTERVENTIONS. Perfectionism self-help resources. Government of Western Australia, 2019. Available at: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/perfectionism